


you let me walk alone

by somalester



Series: blood and water [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Post-Break Up, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Superfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somalester/pseuds/somalester
Summary: It's been a year since the Accords.A year since Steve turned his back on his family.A year since Peter's last seen his father.





	you let me walk alone

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by the song "You Let Me Walk Alone" by Michael Schulte

Peter’s heart is slamming against his chest as though it’s trying to escape from it.

He barely notices it though; his head feels like it’s wrapped in cotton, and he sees everything from very, very far away. Which is probably because that’s his preferred choice of location right now. As far away from where he currently is as possible. Standing in a narrow street in the outskirts of Washington, forcing himself to ignore his nervousness and enter the coffee shop that his father will be waiting in.

It’s stupid, because he had the choice, and here he is anyway. But then again, if he he’d stayed away, he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself, period.

Steve’s sitting in the back of the small café. His face is covered by a cap and sunglasses, but that ‘disguise’ is almost more familiar to Peter than his parent’s actual faces.

He feels Steve's eyes on him as he makes his way through the rows of chairs and tables.

It’s terrible.

Any other day a year ago, he would have run up to him, would have hugged him and, most importantly, wouldn’t have felt such anxiety at meeting his own father. But now, after the Accords, after Steve choosing to leave him and Tony, after not seeing him since Germany, since Tony came back with bruises all over his chest -

He keeps his head down as he slides into the chair opposite Steve and barely manages a mumbled greeting.

“It’s good to see you,” Steve replies and Peter can tell he’s being earnest from his voice alone, but it doesn’t feel like that changes anything. “How have you been? Everything okay at school?”

Peter frowns. Something in him rebels against the absurdity of discussing his _homework_ while his life’s been in shambles for _months_ -

“Peter?” There’s a definite frown in his father’s voice.

Right. Participating in conversation. Like a normal child.

“Boring, mostly,” he says. It’s the only alternative to the truth. “I’ve started to do my own experiments in chemistry class.”

Steve chuckles. It sounds forced, but also fond. “Be careful not to blow anything up, will you?”

Peter just nods. He doesn’t know what to say, the words seem stuck in his throat, and so he stays silent.

After a moment, Steve clears his throat and asks, “Anything else you want to talk to me about? Is there someone you like, maybe?”

Peter stiffens. He can’t play this game, he _won’t_. His family’s been ripped away from him and now Steve's sitting here, asking Peter, because he wasn't there to see it for himself.

“Actually, yeah.” He raises his head and smiles wryly. “But then her father tried to kill me, so that didn’t work out.”

Peter can see Steve’s eyes widen behind the sunglasses. “Are you okay? Did he -?”

“Hurt me?” Peter supplies coldly.

Steve swallows, nods.

“You could say so.” He doesn’t feel like laying out his nightmares and Tony’s pacing in the medbay after he returned home from fighting the Vulture. “Why do you care?”

Steve looks stricken. “Why do I- Peter. Of course I care.”

“You weren’t there,” Peter says, fully aware of the fact that he sounds like a petulant child. “You _left us_.”

This time, it’s Steve who avoids his eyes. “Peter... Can we not do this? I’ve missed you. I’ve missed being your father.”

“Well too bad.” And it’s a real challenge not to let his voice raise above a normal conversational level. “I miss having a family.”

Steve’s whole body flinches. And it doesn’t matter how long it’s been, or how much pain Steve caused - it hurts, seeing these words affect him like this. But Peter’s not sorry enough to apologize and take it back.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says roughly. “I never wanted it to end like this.”

Peter has to bite back all of the retorts that immediately spring to his tongue.

Tony’s told him, over and over again, that Steve was caught up in unfortunate circumstances, like they all were. He’s told him that while his hand was shaking and the shadows under his eyes grew bigger. While he locked himself away from Peter and yet still pushed him to give Steve this chance.

“Peter?”

He’s shaking, and he didn’t even notice.

“Come back.”

Steve stares at him. “What?”

“Come back,” Peter repeats, quieter this time. He’s fully aware of how ridiculous the request is, especially since his anger’s still clinging to him.

Steve sighs. “You know I can’t do that Pete.”

“Tony got you pardoned!”

“It’s not that easy, kiddo.” Steve smiles sadly. “I don’t think he’d want to see me, anyway.”

Peter thinks of Tony losing weight, of the booze reappearing in their kitchen and the quiet that’s taken over their life and silently disagrees with him. But he also thinks of Tony turning his back as soon as he’s gotten the official pardon for the rogue Avengers, and never once getting involved in the subject again, and Peter can’t argue with Steve.

“So,” Peter says, a bit lifelessly, “Nothing’s gonna change, huh?”

Steve sighs. “Peter, I’m sorry. I really am. I never intended to hurt you, or Tony. And you’re right to be upset with me. But, I’d... I’d really like to be a part of your life again.”

Peter swallows. “Just mine?”

“Yeah,” Steve answers tightly. “I don’t think... Tony and I aren’t ready to talk just yet.”

Peter nods and stares at a dark smudge on the table to avoid crying. It’s stupid. He knew that things wouldn’t be like they were before.

But still, he couldn’t...

He couldn’t help hoping...

(He’s rarely felt so much like a helpless child than he did in the last year.)

He also can’t help asking. “Are you still mad at Dad?”

“I think what’s going on between me and your Dad should stay between us for now,” Steve says gently.

Peter lowers his head. “Okay.” (Tony hadn’t given him an answer to that question either.)

“So, what do you say?” Steve smiles, visibly nervous. “We could see each other more often. Me, Bucky and the others have a place a little out of town. You’d love it.”

“I-” Peter catches himself. It was tempting, to give into his hurt and say he’d need more time to decide, to then never do it and turn his back on the shambles of his family. In fact, he doesn’t even know if he can do the alternative. But then he thinks of evenings spent curled up to Steve’s chest, of their playful training sessions and the way his father always listened to what he had to say.

(He also thinks of Tony skipping meals and refusing to talk, about the coldness of the compound and the way he feels like he lost both of his parents.)

“Yeah, I think we could do that.”

And Steve’s face lights up in that way Tony’s never does anymore.


End file.
